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Choosing the Right Man

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Some weeks ago a Form Seven student (who has just finished her A. Level exam) and I participated in a flag-selling activity. We spent one and a half hours selling all the flags, and there was plenty of time left before the activity ended. So we went to a cafˆm nearby to have a nice chat. It is really a pleasure to chat with a student about things that are not taught in textbooks.

One of the topics we talked about was my boyfriend. She asked me about my ideal boyfriend before I came to know my present one. I answered her with all my honesty.

First of all, he must share the same religious belief as mine. It makes it easier to communicate if we share the same values. In case of conflict, we can reconcile very quickly. When we go into marriage, it makes it easier in the future to raise and educate children. Imagine a child watching his parents arguing about different religious beliefs. What would the child think? Wouldn't he simply get confused with human life and values? If the parents agree on their religious beliefs (or, at least, agree on the common values they believe in), they set good examples for the children to follow. It is beneficial for the children's growth and for the family as a whole.

Second, his personality should be mature. He should have a positive outlook towards life, and be an optimistic person who inspires the people around him to look at the bright side of life. He should be considerate and understanding towards the needs of the people around him. He should be a person who gets along with people in peace and harmony, and should be able to handle conflicts and reduce hurts. But while being positive and optimistic, he would not forget or ignore the practical difficulties in everyday life, and would deal with difficulties with confidence and skills. While getting along with people peacefully, he would not comply with people and give up his own principles easily. He should be a person who is independent and who has his own way of seeing things. He should also be open-minded to share his opinions with people. To sum up, he must be a person of integrity and reliability.

Last, but not the least, he must have knowledge. He should be willing to learn and, at the same time, share what he knows with me. When we go into marriage and have children in the future, we would set good examples for our children. We would encourage them to learn by learning new things ourselves, taking them to libraries, bookshops and museums, watching informative TV programmes, watching dramas and attending musical concerts.

I don't mind if he has riches or a handsome face. Personality is much more important. I won't consider getting along with a man who can't give me a sense of integrity and reliability.

My student was astonished. "Wow, your standards are so demanding. It's very fortunate that God has given you your present boyfriend who meets your standards. By the way, don't you see that what you've just said is actually a description of yourself?"

She surprised me. She was right. We love to get along with people who share our likes and dislikes. My boyfriend is actually a mirror who reflects my personality. I thank God for this mirror.